


oh, we hope for love

by pf_lz



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Heartbreak, Minor Character Death, breaking up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-23 02:58:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15596712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pf_lz/pseuds/pf_lz
Summary: As soon as Beca walks through the door, she can tell that something is wrong. Chloe always made it back to their apartment before her and Chloe always had music on – whether she was singing by herself, singing with the music or just letting the music play, there was always music on.Instead, now, all she can immediately hear is silence.





	1. Chapter 1

As soon as Beca walks through the door, she can tell that something is wrong. Chloe always made it back to their apartment before her and Chloe _always_ had music on – whether she was singing by herself, singing with the music or just letting the music play, there was always music on.

Instead, now, all she can immediately hear is silence – until she walks a bit farther into the apartment and she can hear faint, muffled sobs coming from her and Chloe’s bed. It’s weird, she knows, to share a bed with your girlfriend when you’ve only been dating for two months, but she hadn’t expected to start dating her roommate. A roommate who shared her bed because Amy was not someone you wanted to share a bed with.

It's not concerning that Chloe would be crying, because Chloe cries a _lot_ , and Beca loves that about Chloe; that she never hides herself and always lets Beca know what she’s thinking. What really scares her is the music. Even when Chloe is crying, she still puts on music to make herself feel better.

She shuffles over to the bed quickly, tossing her bag on the floor haphazardly in her rush to see what, exactly, could be making her girlfriend so upset. “Chlo?” she says as she pulls the covers back to see the redhead a mess, eyes red and puffy, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes.

In response, Chloe opens her arms up without opening her eyes and Beca takes her into her arms. She can feel the stuttering breath hitting her neck like the beat of someone jut learning an instrument. It’s shaky and timid and Beca knows that something terrible has happened.

Chloe cries, but not like this. Chloe is a pretty crier – if that’s a thing, at least – and this is not pretty at all. This is ugly and heart wrenching and just generally _awful._

Beca holds her for a while underneath the covers, her head on the pillow with Chloe’s burrowed deep into her neck as Chloe’s sobs begin to slowly taper off. _Very_ slowly, she notes. When she’d probed about the reason for the tears, the only response she’d gotten was a large gulp of air and then renewed crying. Beca’s still isn’t good at handling crying people, but with Chloe, she thinks she’s okay. She knows that she’s gotten better, but she’s never handled this before.

Once Chloe pulls her head back, the look Beca receives is heartbreaking. “B-becs?” Chloe trembles out and Beca nods as she hands her a tissue from their nightstand. Chloe blows her nose loudly.

“Yeah, Chlo?”

“I l-love you, you kn-know that r-r-right?”

Beca squeezes her tight before she answers. “I love you too.” She pauses for second. “Can you tell me what’s going on?”

Beca lets Chloe collect herself. When Chloe replies, her voice is a little less tearful, a little more controlled. “My dad… he- uh- well, he was diagnosed with a d-disease,” she chokes out and Beca just pulls her tighter.

“It’s gonna be okay, Chlo. It’s going to be fine, okay?” There’s a lull which lasts for a few minutes before Beca breaks it. Beca knows she has to stay calm, knows she has to be Chloe’s rock. She needs something to think about or she’s going to start crying because Chloe’s dad was – _is_ – a better dad to her than hers ever was, and so this is terrifying. “What disease did he get?” Beca whispers, mind running through the worst possibilities, from smallpox to measles and mumps and everything in between.

Chloe’s speech is filled with hiccups when she replies. “Johnny,” she started, referencing her older brother, “said Creutzfeld disease or something like that. It’s b-bad, Becs.” She pauses to hiccup into Beca’s neck again and Beca just soothingly rubs her hand along her back. “He said Daddy has less than a year.” Beca feels Chloe suck in a huge breath before she wails, “A year! And then I won’t be able to talk to him or see him or smile at him or receive the cards he sends me for every occasion he can think of. I won’t be able to hear him joke or call him when I’m worried about Mom and I- I just –” Chloe breaks off and her tears start anew.

Beca’s heart is beating so fast it reminds her of when she first asked Chloe on a date; her heart had been knocking itself against her ribcage then, but it’s nothing compared to what it feels like now. She thinks briefly that her heart is going to bruise Chloe because _it’s just beating so fast and she can’t help it and –_

Before she knows it, she’s crying into Chloe’s hair, whispering _I love yous_ like there’s a sale and she can’t stop herself. She understands what Chloe’s going through because she’s going through it too, but she knows she has to be strong. For Chloe.

She takes a few deep breaths and calms herself down, slowly pulling Chloe back. “Babe? How about you go take a shower?” Beca suggests. “It’ll make you feel better and I’ll have some tea for you when you come out and then we can figure what to do, okay? I love you,” she finishes somewhat lamely. She always feels the need to remind Chloe just how much Beca loves her every chance she gets, and tonight it’s only exacerbated.

“I’m going home,” Chloe blurts out and Beca nods.

“Of course. I’m going with you.”

“Becs- I meant that- that I’m moving back.” Beca stares at her. “B-back to Florida,” Chloe elaborates.

“I know. I’m coming too.” Beca places a kiss at Chloe’s temple as she says this, pulling her up. “As if I could ever leave you, Beale. Without me on your arm, there’d be no reason to look at you,” Beca smirks, aiming for some levity.

As weak as the joke is, it at least brings out a glimmer of a smile from Chloe and it’s comforting to know that it’s still there. It’s not gone, and Beca can breathe a bit easier knowing that.

 

* * *

  

They get Chloe a flight for the next afternoon and Beca is to follow in a couple of weeks. Beca had wanted to quit, but Chloe had told her to stay and finish her last project before she takes her leave of absence – Chloe had quit her job that morning.

Chloe is almost inconsolable as Beca drops her off; she can see that she’s about to cry, but Chloe keeps herself together enough as she presses a long kiss to Beca’s lips before she steps out of the car and covers her still-red eyes with a pair of dark sunglasses. “I love you, Becs. I’ll call you every night.”

Chloe gets shy at the declaration and Beca can’t help but find it adorable. “I’m going to miss you. Call me when your flight lands, okay? Like, immediately.” Beca grows shy herself, feeling the need to make sure that Chloe understands how important it is. “Please. I-I worry. A lot.” She clears her throat and gives a watery smile to Chloe, who looks like she’s about to burst into tears.

Chloe leans into the car and hugs Beca tightly and Beca can’t help feel like her world is ending. Chloe’s going to be missing from her for the next two weeks and Beca feels like that’s going to be the longest two weeks of her life.

 

* * *

 

Beca hates being right. She’s pouring everything she has into producing this _idiot’s_ album and he vetoes every suggestion she has, claiming that she just doesn’t understand the world of white-ghetto-rap where words can’t even be understood.

She agrees with him. She can’t stand today’s rap.

Chloe loves all rap, loves the beats and the pseudo-rhymes. It doesn’t make sense to her, because the lyrics are all so awful, sexist and nasty and vulgar, but she always listens whenever Chloe plays it in the apartment. If Chloe likes something, Beca knows she’s going to have to get used to it because persistent and Chloe Beale are synonyms. She’s even checked the dictionary on that before.

The guy basically just talks about all the chicks he’s banged and it’s gross. She can’t imagine that he’s ever had sex before with the way he looks, and she’s about to tell him so when she hears Chloe’s voice echoing in her ear. _There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin, Becs._ Beca stills for a second and then Chloe continues: _Plus, he’s not that ugly. Like a C or so._

The memory fades just as quickly as it came and Beca feels sad. The random memories that pop up of Chloe throughout the day are the only things keeping her sane and she can’t wait the next three days before her plane leaves.

Beca sighs as she glances at the clock, then nearly lets out a whoop when she realizes that she can leave. It’s when she gets into her car when her phone rings.

She knows it can’t be Chloe because Chloe never calls before six and it’s only five-thirty at the moment. She’s surprised when she sees her dad is calling her, and she answers without giving it a moment of thought.

“Dad,” Beca says dumbly, knowing that her dad really isn’t who she needs and wants to talk to at the moment.

Her dad’s voice is subdued when it enters Beca’s ears and Beca knows that her world is about to crash. Again. “Beca, I have some, uh, bad news.”

Beca nods timidly before realizing her dad can’t see her. “Er- yeah. What is it? Noodles finally kick the bucket?” she questions, hoping that that’s all it is. If her meaner-than-mean cat has died, Beca can’t find it in herself to be too upset. The cat _was_ almost eighteen.

“No- no that’s not it. It’s your mom. She- she had a stroke. A bad one.” There’s a pregnant pause in the conversation and a ringing noise is building her ears. “She almost died.”

And just like that, Beca is sobbing uncontrollably, worse than Chloe was when she found her. Her mom had a stroke, and Beca has no idea what to do.

She eventually finds her voice, says, “O-oh. W-where is sh-she staying?”

Her dad tells her the hospital – not too far from her work, though she knows it’s still pretty far from her mom’s apartment on the other side of New York. Beca hangs up after that and races towards the hospital, praying that she would get to see her mom again. That she’d be able to thank her for how she raised her and how she loved her and how she was always there, even when her dad wasn’t.

There’s so much to thank her for that she can barely pull herself together enough to tell the receptionist who she’s there to see.

When she gets to the door, she pauses and takes a deep breath, wiping away her tear tracks. “Mom?” she queries as she opens the door. Her mom is laying on the bed, pale and asleep. Beca sits at the chair at her bedside. Her father isn’t there, and she doesn’t know why she’s surprised and disappointed. It’s just like him to not be there.

She grabs her mom’s frail hand and strokes it tenderly, reverently, as if she’s not going to be able to do this again. For all she knows, she might not get to. She doesn’t know anything about strokes and so she grabs her phone to look it up.

She’s surprised to see all of the missed calls from Chloe and she checks the time to realize that it’s already seven-thirty somehow. She knows that Chloe must be worried sick and so she calls her back immediately, left hand still clutching her mother’s right like a lifeline.

“Beca?” Chloe shouts in her ear and Beca suppresses a wince.

“I’m here Chloe,” she murmurs into the phone, voice subdued and torn. Ragged, even, and she’s never heard herself like this before.

“Are you okay? I’ve been worried sick! You better have a damn good excuse for not answering me. I thought you had _died_ , okay?” Chloe rants before taking a deep breath.

Beca takes a second to respond, because she’s not sure how to formulate the words. She knows how Chloe must’ve felt a week-and-a-half ago, now. “I’m-m alive, Chlo. I’m safe.” She blows air out of her nose before continuing. “It’s-it’s my mom. She had a stroke.” Beca lets go of her mom’s hand and digs her nails into her palm painfully as she struggles to get the next words out. “I’m not coming, Chloe.”

There’s a silence on the phone, so loud that it encompasses her entire being. She _feels_ the silence. She can feel it on her skin, she can tell that that was the wrong thing to say.

“Oh,” is all she gets in response, before Chloe is crying into the phone and that sets Beca off again as well.

There’s a knock on the door and then a nurse is peeking in and Beca nods at her. “Chlo, I need to go. The nurse is here. I’ll talk to you tomorrow morning when I have some more info, alright?”

Beca feels, rather than hears, the teary goodbye and declaration of love. She hangs up without responding.

“Ma’am?” the nurse asks politely and Beca nods. “Is this your mom?”

“Yes,” she says hoarsely. “What happened?”

“Well, she was at the store when it happened. Ischemic stroke, which is good. Means that she’ll get better, but it was a major one,” the nurse – Alice, her scrubs say – drawls with a weird accent. Something like a mix between a Southerner and a New Yorker.

Beca stares at the woman’s obviously dyed hair – an unnatural red color, nothing near as beautiful as Chloe’s. “Oh. How long? Till she’s better, that is.”

“It’s too early to say anything for certain,” she opens up, “but full recovery will probably be years. From the MRI results, it looks like her motor functions were hardest hit. She’s going to need to relearn how to walk and drive and all of that, I’d hazard, but I’d expect her to be a-okay!” The nurse’s voice is chipper, much too chipper, and Beca nearly snarks out a reply to her.

It’s not the nurse’s fault, she knows, so she just gives a tense nod to her and the nurse leaves quietly. Beca’s grateful for the silence. It gives her time to think about what she’s going to do about her and Chloe. About their relationship.

Her mom doesn’t have anyone else to take care of her, she knows. Her dad is married, again, and definitely won’t do it, and her mom hasn’t dated anyone since the divorce. She knows she’s going to have to do it and she knows what that means.

 

* * *

 

She calls Chloe in the morning, stepping outside to get some fresh air and stretch her legs after sleeping in a chair as the phone rings. Chloe’s voice is sleepy when she answers: “Beca?”

“That’s me.”

“Oh.” She must detect something is wrong – more wrong – because Chloe’s words are flat, punctuated. Like Morse code, just quick raps followed by longer ones against Beca’s ears. “What’d they say? Is she going to be alright?”

She relays the information as softly and gently as she can, because Chloe loves her mom just as much as Beca loves Chloe’s dad. The only difference is that Chloe has both parents – at the moment, even if one is dying and the other has severe Alzheimer’s.

“She’s going to make a full recovery,” Beca adds. “But, I’m going to have to stay with her, take care of her.”

“Oh.”

“And I thought about it and I thought about us and I just…” Beca trails off, because this is _hard_. She doesn’t know what to say or to do.

“Beca… I- I think we should, uh, end this,” Chloe whispers into the microphone and Beca’s heart stops. She knew that their relationship would take a back seat, but a _breakup?_ “I think we should end this,” Chloe continues. “Us. Because we have responsibilities that are more than us. Our parents deserve our full attention and care and we need to do right by them. It would be too hard on both of us, too stressful to continue our relationship knowing that we can’t see each other for months. God,” she breathes, “this sucks.”

Beca’s breathing into the phone, stuttering and trying to get something out. Eventually, she does. “Oh,” she finally says, “Is-is this our only option-n?”

“Yes,” comes from the speaker, nearly non-existent it’s so quiet

 “M-maybe we can try again when the t-timing’s better?” Beca hopes, because they’re _Beca and Chloe_ and they’ve been in and out of love since they met. She knows they’ll get through this, knows that they’ll find their way back to each other.

Another long silence stretches on, the sound of Chloe’s heavy breathing the only noise Beca can hear and acknowledge.

“I love you,” Chloe says and then the call is over and Beca can feel her tears.

Chloe hadn’t said she’d wait for her.

Chloe wasn’t going to wait for her.

Beca was going to be alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my. poor Beca.
> 
> (p.s. get yourself someone who loves you as much as Jim Acosta loves Jim Acosta lol)
> 
> (p.s.s if you're looking for an episode of Seinfeld to watch, season 5, episode 22, The Opposite, is your guy. truly one of the best episodes of all time.)


	2. Chapter 2

Beca feels like an idiot, standing at the doors. She knows Chloe is going to be inside and, as terrible as the circumstances are, it’s _Chloe_.

Her thoughts turn darker as she stands there and reminisces on the times she had spent with Chloe’s dad – her adopted dad, essentially.

She’d met him during Christmas break of her freshman year after her mom had to return to work and Beca decided to drive down to Florida to see Chloe, because Beca had loved Chloe, even then. From then on, Beca had spent part of every break with the Beales and even with Chloe’s mother’s deteriorating condition, she still found that she loved all of them. Especially Chloe.

When she’d gone to see the Beales for the first time as Chloe’s girlfriend, she’d accidentally called Chloe’s dad _dad_ , and that had been so awkward. He just laughed it off and told her that if she felt comfortable saying that, he’d answer to it. He was much more of a dad to her than her own, and that was a wonderful feeling to feel, having a dad.

On occasion, she would even call him and talk to him about her day or the issues she was having. And now he was _dead_.

Aubrey had called her earlier that week and told her the news, that he’d only lasted two-and-a-half months against the terror of a disease. Beca had been disappointed that Chloe hadn’t called her, but she understood. It was painful.

But still. Beca would have called Chloe first if her mom had died.

Beca would always call Chloe first, even though they’d only talked once in the intervening months. Beca had tried to get here sooner, but she had to wait for her dad to come up and take care of her mom and he hadn’t been able to get there until Friday night and so she’d flown out the next morning – today – and changed in Aubrey’s hotel room before heading over. She knows she’s stressed from the fervor of it all.

 She sighs heavily and pushes the door open, her eyes immediately greeted with a somber blackness and a dark mood.

Beca’s eyes scanned the room quickly as she searched for Chloe, looking for her fiery hair. When she found her, white hot fury scorched through her veins, bursting through her skin.

Right there, in front of her very eyes, is Chicago. _Chicago fucking Walp._ With his arm _around_ Chloe’s waist. Beca’s never felt this much fury and jealousy inside of her, and she thinks she’s going to be sick from the intensity of it.

When she see’s Chloe turn and place a watery kiss on _Chicago’s_ fucking lips, she knows it.

She hurries to the bathroom, only noting the concerned look on Aubrey’s face before she’s hurling her herself onto her knees and her guts are in the toilet. She heaves up everything she’s eaten today and yesterday – as little as it is and feels a small gratitude when she hears Aubrey whispering into her ear that _you’re going to be alright. It’s going to be okay, Beca._ A kiss is pressed to her sweaty temple, soft and caring in a way Beca doesn’t expect.

Who knew that Aubrey Posen could be soothing? Eventually, she gets up, because her knees hurt and Aubrey is telling her that the service is about to start. She washes her mouth the best she can and then trails Aubrey, sitting next to her in the pew and holding her hand.

It’s different than she would have expected it to be, Aubrey’s hand. She would have expected cold and calloused, but it’s actually quite soft and Beca strokes it gently. It’s nothing like holding _Chloe’s_ hand, but it’ll have to do for the moment, because Chloe is holding Chicago’s hand.

The sight makes her almost start dry heaving again, and Aubrey rubs her back. Beca is tempted to walk out right now, but she can’t.

This funeral isn’t about Chloe, it’s about her dad. It would be a betrayal to him if she did so. She came here for him, not for her.

 

The service doesn’t take too long – just a simple speech made by the minister and another by Chloe’s uncle – her dad’s brother. And then there’s the long procession to the cemetery and Beca avoids Chloe like the plague when they’re getting into their cars.

She knows Chloe’s seen her by the way she gets twitchy and nervous, a habit she’d developed when Beca had declared her love for Chloe and Chloe was in a relationship at the time. To say today was going badly was an understatement.

She sticks by Aubrey’s side the whole time – the only other Bellas there are Stacie and Emily, and Beca holds whoever’s hand she can. She needs the physical contact, now; needs it like she needs water. She needs something to ground her, to remind her that her nightmare is real, that Chloe’s dad is _dead_ and Chloe doesn’t love her.

Beca catches Chloe’s eyes twice during the burial ceremony and all she sees is sadness, a near detached expression on her face. She still looks breathtaking in her black dress and black veil covering her face. Beca gasps the second time they catch eyes, and Beca feels distraught at the forlorn, heartbreaking look in her eyes.

Beca leaves before Chloe can talk to her, because that would be too hard. That would be too much. Knowing that they broke up and within two months, Chloe’s probably having sex with Chicago is too awful for her.

Stacie rides with her back to the hotel as they pick up her bag.

“Bree said she ran into him at the grocery store. Chicago’s on leave for the next six months and he’s helped with her dad and mom and that’s how they go together. I know that that’s not what you want to hear, but it’ll be okay,” Stacie comforts, rubbing a hand along her thigh as she drives them.

When they get to the hotel room, Stacie gives her a look and before she knows it, Stacie has her up against the wall and is kissing her. It’s pleasant, and if this was six months ago – after Jesse and before Chloe – it would be terrific. As it is, she can’t even feel aroused and she pushes Stacie off of her.

“I’m sorry Stace, but I just… I can’t, okay? I feel like I’d be cheating,” Beca complains. They’d had sex before, back when Aubrey was ignoring Stacie (she still is, really. Their relationship was too complex for Beca to understand) and Chloe was dating Chicago the first time, and it had been wonderful. Stacie was every bit as experienced as her reputation said and while she wished she could do this, she can’t.

“Of course, Beca.” She presses a soft kiss to Beca’s lips and Beca melts a little at the tenderness. “I love you, babe. Never forget that I am always here for you, be it for yelling at the TV, cuddling or a rough fuck,” Stacie flirts, “I’m here for you. Anything you need,” she winks.

Beca snorts. “Slut,” she jibes and pulls Stacie by the hand as she puts her bag on her shoulder towards the car.

“You love it.”

Beca rolls her eyes, feeling better. Stacie’s distracted her just enough and she’s just thinking about the smoothness of Stacie’s legs and the feeling of her mouth instead of Chloe. It’s a nice break of thought, and she appreciates it.

The car ride to the airport is comfortable, soft country music playing through the speakers of the rental car. Stacie and her flirt back and forth the whole trip with Stacie constantly rubbing up and down her thigh. It’s more familiar than it is sexual and Beca covers Stacie’s hand as they pull up to the airport and squeezes tight.

“Call me when you land?” Stacie worries, eyes slanting in a question.

“Of course, Stace,” Beca confirms before she impulsively leans forward and presses a kiss on Stacie’s cheek. She grabs her bag from the back seat and shuts the door with a yelled goodbye ringing in her ears.

 

 

It’s been a month since that ill fated funeral and she’s honestly never felt worse. Stacie keeps calling her to check in on her (read: sleep with her) but she always says no. She feels bad, because Beca _knows_ that Aubrey is being a complete ass to Stacie and that Stacie kind of needs the distraction, but sex without Chloe feels empty.

Every time she’s tried has ended with her head on the toilet and a need to eat again. She knows it’s unhealthy, but it also allows her a second dinner when she tries with someone, so there’s that.

Beca still hasn’t talked to Chloe. Chloe had tried calling her and texting her, but Beca ignored her. To think that Chloe would move on so soon, _back_ to Chicago after it didn’t work the first time. It makes her burn every time she thinks about it, and Chloe still calls every day after six. She hates how much she wants to answer; how much she wants to talk to her.

And Chloe leaves her voicemails that are ten plus minutes long, but she’s never listened to a single one. Beca doesn’t want to feel better – she _deserves_ this pain for everything wrong she’s done in her life, for all the people she’s failed. Knowing that this probably makes Chloe feel terrible gives her a bit of pleasure and satisfies her vindictive streak, even though as Chloe’s best friend (ex-best friend, really), she should be comforting her. Beca should be telling Chloe that it’s going to be alright and that they’ll get through it.

But instead, she ignores her. It’s been working well – she hasn’t been to her old apartment since she moved out – until Beca gets the mail at her mom’s place.

She’s not surprised that Chloe remembers her mom’s address, because they use to visit nearly weekly, but it still surprises her that Chloe would send her a letter. She knows it’s from Chloe before she even reads the return address because Chloe has the most beautiful handwriting and she can smell Chloe’s perfume oozing from the envelope.

Beca inhales it, taking deep breaths as she remembers being wrapped in that scent in bed, her head on Chloe’s shoulder. She’s still in love with Chloe, and she thinks she always will be.

When she gets back to the apartment, she throws the rest of the mail onto the counter in the kitchen and opens the letter, taking care to keep the envelope as intact as possible. She doesn’t want the smell to fade.

She pulls out a sheaf of papers, thick, strong, paper – not cardstock, but close to that. It’s handwritten and Chloe just seeps from the letter. Beca starts reading. And crying. And at the end of it? She’s sobbing into a pillow on the couch, muffling her voice so as to not wake her mom up.

_Dear Beca, the Dearest Person in My Life,_

_I miss you terribly._

_I don’t think you’ve listened to my voicemails or read my texts, and I know that you’ve been getting them. I don’t know what to do at this point but write to you; maybe this way you’ll hear what I’m saying. What I have to say._

_I didn’t mean to date Chicago again. He was just… there, because he’s also from Gainesville, and I missed you so much and I thought that maybe sex with him would solve my issues. Maybe he’d be the answer to the hole that was in my heart. The hole that you caused._

_It didn’t, not then, but I told myself that it did. I told myself that I was over you, and it worked. I know that this isn’t what you want to hear, but I did start to fall in love with Chicago. He helped with my mom and dad so much and he doted on me like you’ve always done for me. Maybe that’s why I started dating him, because he was just as nice to me as you were. As you are._

_You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. Your personality is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, so caring and loving and you’re the most tender person I’ve ever met, no matter what you say. I wish we could make this work, I wish that we could still be together and I_ hate _the way that you found out._

_I’m sorry that I couldn’t tell you in a better way, and I’m beyond sorry that you found out at Dad’s funeral._

_Dad talked about you a lot before he forgot how to talk. He mentioned you everyday and always told me to tell you that he was thinking of you and that he loved you. He said he was sorry that he had to go so soon. I told him that you told me that you loved him and I’m sorry if you didn’t want me to, but I had to. It meant so much to him._

_Beca, you’re the best person I’ve ever met, and I will never forget you. I will never not love you._

_But I need you to know that I’m in love with Chicago, that we’re meant to be. I want kids and a normal life, and I just can’t be that with you. We can’t have kids that look like the both of us, we can’t be considered normal, and we’d never be able to live a peaceful life._

_God, I miss you, Beca. I want only the best for you. I want you to be happy and I want you to fall in love with someone who deserves you._

_I don’t. I don’t deserve you. I could never be good enough for you, I could never be what you wanted and needed._

_I hate so much that my father’s illness made me realize this, but it’s the truth. I love you too much to sentence you to a lifetime of loving me._

_Please, Beca. Don’t come after me. It’ll only end up worse for the two of us._

_I love you so much,_

_Chloe Beale_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmm. send me your tears as reviews bc I love them.
> 
> (p.s. the episode of the day is season 1, episode 1 of Seinfeld, aka the Pilot. this episode gives you timeless phrases such as "Signals, Jerry! Signals!" it's one of the classics, and well worth a watch. )


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol at the amount of hate i got after that chapter. you people need to chill out.

“Beca?” her mom calls from the kitchen and Beca grunts out a response as she lays on the couch, sending ugly pictures to Stacie. “Go outside! You’ve been moping around ever since Chloe sent you that letter and that was a year ago. Go on a date, maybe hang out with some friends.”

“Mom, please stop bugging me. I just want to be alone,” Beca complains. She rolls over onto her back and lets out a long-suffering sigh. “I deserve to be alone.”

“We’re not having this talk again, Beca. Please, just try and be social. I know Stacie lives close by – just go hang out with her for a night. Maybe you can find someone to take you out on a date.”

Beca huffs. “Fine, _mother._ I’ll talk to Stacie.” Beca rolls her eyes as she walks into her bedroom. She pulls out her phone, calling the woman in question.

“Beca? What’re you calling me for? You never call. And I haven’t seen you in weeks and we live in the same city! I know Bella is dying to see you,” Stacie teases and Beca grins into the phone. Stacie can always pick her up.

“My mom was yelling at me that I need to get out. So, can I come over? I want to see Bella again.” Beca sighs fondly into the phone.

“Oh my aca-God, yes!” Stacie yelps. “Please come over! I’ve been dying over here and Bella has been so fussy lately and I think she just wants her quote-unquote other mommy. Yes, she actually said that – or tried to say it at least.” Stacie pauses in the midst of her ramble to take a breath. “It sounded like _offa mommy_ but God was it cute. She’s so cute and she’s walking and talking all over the place and please hurry… I miss your babysitting, too.”

Beca snorts. “I’ll be over soon, ‘kay? That work?”

“Please, please, please hurry. Stay the night too!”

“Fine, fine,” Beca rolls her eyes as she responds. “I’ll stay the night – but no movies. Especially not rom-coms.” Stacie doesn’t comment on that, because they both know that Beca only watched movies because of Chloe, and rom-coms were Chloe’s favorite.

“Okay, I’ll see you soon, babe! Stay hot!” Stacie hangs up the phone after that, leaving Beca grinning at the phone stupidly.

Beca is shaken out of her stupor by her mom. “Get a move on! Go see Stacie!”

“I’m going mom, okay!” Beca shouts back. Today’s going to be a great day, she just knows it.

 

 

When she arrives to Stacie’s, she can’t help but feel happy. It’s the first time she’s really felt this way since the funeral, and she knows it’s because she’s finally doing something of her own accord (kinda – if moms don’t count as coercion) instead of being dragged along to whatever event Stacie or her mom took her to.

She knocks on the apartment, taking care to not be too loud in case Bella had fallen asleep in the time since she gotten off the phone with Stacie.

“Beca! You’re here!” Stacie exclaims as she flings open the door and hugs her tight. Beca lets out an oomph of noise at the hug, because she hasn’t been squeezed this hard since she said goodbye to Chloe.

Beca hears something from inside the apartment and shuffles into the room with Stacie still attached to her. “Beca!” Bella yells (though it comes out more like Be-uh) from the living room before galloping over to Beca’s legs and hugging them as tight as Stacie is hugging her torso. Beca wants to move forward and close the door, but she’s unable to, so she just stands there and pats Stacie’s back and Bella’s head awkwardly.

“Hey girls. I think you both missed me,” Beca smirks as Stacie finally pulls back, allowing Beca to lean down and pick Bella up into her arms, tossing her into the air as she does so.

“Be-uh!” Bella giggles as Beca places an arm under her rear and another on her back as she holds her tight. “I miss you.”

Beca can feel Bella pout into her shoulder and she smiles at Stacie. Stacie rolls her eyes and places a comfortable kiss on Beca’s cheek.

“Come in, Beca! God, you’re almost as short as Bella,” Stacie teases and Bella giggles. It makes Beca sigh exasperatedly but she just trudges forward, plopping down on the couch facing the TV in the living room. “Do you want anything to drink?” Stacie asks loudly as she walks into the question.

“Uhm, do you have any whiskey?” Beca hasn’t drank since the last party she went to – with Chloe, of course – and she wants to be sure she can taste the alcohol so that she doesn’t overindulge as she’s been known to do.

“Straight?”

“Just add some water, please. Like a tenth whiskey, the rest ice and water.” Bella snuggles into her chest as she says this and Beca leans further into the couch cushions. “I heard you called me mommy the other day, little girl. Is that true?”

“No!” Bella’s face tucks further into Beca’s neck at the words and so Beca can just barely make out what Bella says. “Auntie! Not mommy.”

Stacie interjects at this point as she hands Beca a tumbler: “Are you lying Bella?”

Bella pulls her face back and looks at her mom. “Uh-uh. Never.” She shakes her head vigorously, curls flying around the room. Beca leans back to avoid getting a mouthful.

Stacie sits down next to the two and grabs Bella’s foot, fingers poised on the soft, smooth flesh. “I’m going to tickle you if you don’t tell the truth,” Stacie threatens.

Beca quickly puts her glass down as she joins in with Stacie. “I’m going to help, Bella.” Beca looks up at Stacie. “I get the armpits, you get the thighs. Ready, break!”

A funny look is thrown her way at the football talk, but Beca ignores it. They both scooch back to give room to lay Bella down – her head at Beca’s knees, feet pinned down by Stacie. Almost instinctively, the two move together and begin tickling the little girl

Immediately, shrieks and yelps can be heard from the little girl as she struggles to throw the older women off of her, but she fails. It continues like this for a few minutes, Bella shrieking and laughing, and both Stacie and Beca grinning at each other when they look up. There’s a serene feeling in Beca’s chest when they finally let Bella breathe, and Beca can’t quite place what it is, but it feels good.

Bella whimpers something out and Beca leans down, placing kisses on the girls flushed cheeks and forehead as she says, “Did you say more? Because that’s what I heard, right Mommy?”

“I heard that, too. I guess we have no choice but to obey Bella’s commands, Auntie. Oh, I do hate doing this!” Beca and Stacie share a quiet laugh with each other at Stacie’s overdramatic statements. But, like partners in crime, they nod to each other and begin tickling the tiny girl all over again, her bubbles of laughter music to their ears.

“I lie! I lie!” Bella eventually yells when she’s had enough.

The women pull back at this and Beca quickly swings Bella up and onto her lap. “I knew it! You love me more than your mommy.” Beca grins at the girl as she moves over on the couch until her and Stacie are pressed against each other. It’s a pleasant feeling she feels as Stacie flicks on the TV, turning the channel to some ridiculous reality show.

The three of them quiet down, relaxing as the mindless show plays softly. “I’m honestly not surprised that it ended up being you getting knocked up first. Really, we all thought it would happen by senior year,” Beca says, barely even processing her own words.

“Are you calling me a slut?”

Beca takes a second to think, rubbing her chin mockingly as she does so. “Yeah, I think I am.”

Stacie shoves her lightly and Beca can’t help but grin. “Say it again and I’ll never let you see her again,” Stacie threatens, poking a finger into Beca’s arm rather insistently.

She just snorts derisively. “You’d miss all of the babysitting I provide, even though you always end up staying in for the night when I come over.”

Stacie sighs contentedly and pulls Beca closer with the arm around her shoulders.

It doesn’t take but a few minutes before Bella is fast asleep and Stacie whispers in Beca’s ear that it’s bedtime for her. Beca obliges at the unspoken request and picks her up slowly, depositing her in the second bedroom, tucking her covers in tight.

She returns to the loveseat and immediately a hand is rubbing up and down her thigh. Beca looks at it for a solid minute before she grabs it and wraps both of her hands around it. “Stace,” Beca says and she can see in Stacie’s eyes that she feels exactly the way that Beca does. “I know we’re not in love. I doubt we’ll ever be in love.” Beca sighs forlornly. “But we have each other, even if we don’t have the ones we want. And you’re good enough for me.” She punctuates her soft declaration with a squeeze of her hands and Stacie merely squeezes back.

Maybe they’re not in love. They probably never will be. But they are friends and Beca’s already essentially Bella’s other parent. It’s something she couldn’t have imagined for herself ever, basically raising a kid with Stacie as friends, but that’s just their relationship. Friends and parents.

 

 

With her mother able to walk and wipe herself and do everything on her own now, Beca knows that she needs to move out. Not that she didn’t love her mom – because if ending the relationship with _probably_ the only woman she’d ever love to take care of her mom didn’t scream love, she’s not sure what would – but because she knew that she needed to do this to move on. Staying in the same place where she received that… _letter_ wouldn’t help her grow and change and hopefully shrug off her feelings for Chloe.

She knows she’ll never succeed at that, but she needs to try. So, that’s why she’s waiting for Stacie to answer the phone.

“Beca? What’s up? You still never call,” Stacie says hurriedly and Beca can hear her pout.

“Uh yeah, here I am, calling…”

“About…?” Stacie questions and Beca takes a deep breath because, well, she’s awkward and she has no idea how to broach this.

“You remember that night like, three months ago? When we were drunk and you told me I could move in when my mom didn’t, uh, need me anymore?” Beca’s hand is shaking as she says this and she knows her voice is just as shaky. She’s nervous – inviting herself to other people’s homes has never been her thing.

A quietly-loud shriek comes out from the speaker at Beca’s ear and Beca can tell that Stacie covered her mouth with her hand _before_ she shrieked. It’s honestly one of the nicest things Stacie’s ever done for her, because Beca knows that Bella should still be awake and so it has to be for her. “Oh my aca-God, yes!” Stacie finally gets out. “Please, _please_ , come move in! Bella’s going to love this when I tell her and wow I get to share a bed with you! _Finally.”_

Beca snorts into the phone, amused. “I’m still not having sex with you.”

There’s an audible sigh and Beca can tell that Stacie is genuinely disappointed at that. “Ugh. I made that offer hoping for regular sex, you know that, right Beca? You’re really killing me if you say no.”

“Fine. I’ll _think_ about it,” Beca grants, but she knows that it won’t happen. She knows that as beautiful as Stacie is, as wonderful as her breasts are (and _wow_ , if Beca hadn’t known she was attracted to women before now, watching Stacie change definitely would have turned her), she’s just not Chloe. Stacie is not Chloe and Beca hates it so much, hates that she’ll never get over her.

At this rate, she’ll probably never have sex again, and she’s surprisingly okay with it. What hurts is knowing that she’ll never see Chloe again because Chloe had warned her off and as mad as she is at Chloe, she can’t help but listen to her.

“But,” Beca continues, “this means that I can move in?”

“Absolutely, Becs,” Stacie breathes into the phone almost wistfully. “I really hope you don’t mind sharing a bed, but it’s all I have room for.” Stacie seems shy at this, as if Beca hasn’t shared a bed with Stacie before. She’s not sure why Stacie would be shy, but she ignores that and moves forward.

“Can I move in this weekend? I’ll pack after work this week and then move in on Saturday? And how much is rent?”

“That sounds perfect!” Beca can hear as Stacie is moving around and she can hear a small voice asking who’s on the phone and Stacie’s accompanying response of _Auntie Beca_ before she starts speaking back into the phone. “Don’t worry about the rent – the baby daddy is paying for all of this. Also, Bella wants to see you.”

Beca files away the knowledge in her mind. She had wondered exactly how Stacie was paying for that truly fantastic apartment, but it makes more sense now. Stacie never talked about him and Beca didn’t want to open up a possibly still bleeding wound. “Okay,” Beca says as she clicks around on her phone until she’s FaceTiming Stacie.

“Auntie Be-uh!” Bella squeals into the phone when Beca’s face appears and Beca grins so broadly and her heart feels so full at that moment that she completely forgets about Chloe and her heartbreak. All she can think about is Bella and how adorable she is.

“Hey little girl! What have you done this week?” It’s only Tuesday at this point, so Beca can’t imagine she’s done too much. But, she has to remind herself five minutes later when Bella is barely past two on Monday that toddlers love to talk, especially when they have as attentive of an audience as Beca presents herself as.

Stacie must have left Bella to go do something because by this point, Stacie usually interjects and takes the phone back. Most days, Beca would be tired of Bella’s rambling, but today, she needs it. She enjoys it and she just wishes she could press kisses all over her face the way that Beca knows that Bella secretly loves (even though she acts like she hates it).

When Bella finally runs out of steam – it takes another twelve minutes for that to happen – Beca can finally get in a word that isn’t _yes_ or _mhmm._ “Can you go get your mom for me? I need to talk to her.”

“Uh-huh!” Bella exclaims and runs off in search of her mom, yelling _mommy_ until she finds Stacie coming out of her bedroom. Bella hands the phone to Stacie and then runs off to go play with her toys.

Stacie’s face is clear of makeup, which means that Stacie hadn’t gone _out_ out today and, if Beca thinks back on it, she hasn’t seen Stacie wear more than very light makeup in months. It’s weird and something she’ll have to ask about later. “You look really pretty today,” Stacie says and Beca blushes lightly.

“You too. You always do, Stace.”

“Even without makeup?”

“I like you better without the makeup, if we’re being honest,” Beca says and she feels slightly embarrassed by the admission. It’s true, Beca knows, because Stacie wears makeup when she feels uncomfortable with something – her looks, usually, but she knows that Stacie wears it because she’s upset and because she’s angry and basically because of any emotion other than happiness. Really, from what she can tell, Stacie only takes it off when she’s around her or Aubrey.

It had been a painstaking few months trying to piece together exactly what had happened between Stacie and Aubrey, because they had been dating by the end of freshman year. But by the beginning of sophomore year, they were no more and it had continued like that – off and on, off and on – until Worlds when Stacie had walked in on Aubrey (during an on period) sleeping with _Donald_ of all people.

Beca loses a little bit of the respect she has for Aubrey every time she thinks about it, because first _eww_ and second, what happened to the whole threat about vocal chords and Trebles and wolves? She knows that Aubrey isn’t her captain anymore and doesn’t have to conform by those standards anymore, but it’s definitely a bit rich coming from someone who had scorned her relationship with Jesse before it even began.

The short brunette shakes her head and focuses back in on Stacie, who’s staring at the phone with a small smile teasing her lips. “Yeah?” Stacie asks and Beca nods fervently. “Me too.”

It’s a surprisingly honest admission from Stacie and Beca appreciates it, appreciates just how much their friendship has grown since they’ve graduated from college. “I should probably go,” Beca starts, throwing a thumb over her shoulder to mimic leaving. “Packing to do and all that.” Beca grins awkwardly.

Stacie’s small, timid smile expands into an oversized one, bordering on flirtatious. “I can’t wait to sleep with you!” Beca rolls her eyes and as she moves her thumb to hang up, Stacie says, “Love you! Night Beca! Bella says goodnight, too!”

“Night Stacie, Bella,” Beca calls back, “I love you both!” She hangs up with a smile on her face and quickly runs to start packing.

She’s really excited for this, actually. She can’t wait to see Stacie and Bella on Saturday.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not quite as angsty as the last chapter, huh?
> 
> (p.s. the seinfeld episode of the day is season 6, episode 9, The Secretary. one of the more underrated quotes comes from this episode: "You're luscious. You're ravishing. I would give up red meat just to get a glimpse of you in a bra. I’m terribly sorry.")


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fyi, there's a year or so break between Beca spending the night with Stacie and Beca moving in with Stacie.

Beca’s finally moved in, and she’s beyond happy to take a shower and clean the grime of the day off of her skin. She usually takes quick showers, but today she lingers, because really, it’s been an exhausting day and she enjoys the water cooling her overheated skin. She’s been standing underneath the showerhead for close to ten minutes without actually cleaning anything before she decides that it’s time to get out and get dressed.

She grabs the towel from the towel rack and wraps it around her chest after she wipes her face off and then steps out of the bathroom.

Beca lets out a shriek when she sees Stacie smiling at her from the toilet seat, as if waiting for a friend like that is a normal occurrence. With Stacie, it might actually become that. “Jesus! What the hell are you doing there? That’s like so creepy, dude,” Beca admonishes, bringing a hand up to hold her towel up.

“I just wanted to see you naked,” Stacie scowls. Beca looks at her, unsure is she’s affronted or flattered. “What? You can’t blame a girl for trying,” Stacie winks and Beca grins at her.

“We’ve literally had sex before. You’ve seen me naked.”

“Yeah but that was, like, three-plus years ago.” Stacie’s right, Beca realizes, it has been three years since then. Which, wow, time flies. Bella’s _three_ years old, now. That’s just crazy to her.

“God, I didn’t realize it’s been that long,” Beca says as she walks to the bedroom wrapped only in the towel. Stacie must’ve put Bella to bed already because she can’t hear at all – but she can hear Stacie following her and decides to put on a bit of a show. Stacie immediately heads to lay on the bed and Beca pulls on a pair of panties before dropping her towel as she faces Stacie and puts her loose-fitting tank on, breasts fully exposed.

Beca can hear as Stacie’s mouth opens and she looks up at Stacie’s face, smiling smugly at the expression. She’s never seen Stacie so aroused and it’s doing wonders to her self-confidence. After she grabs the hem of her shirt and pulls it down, she picks up her towel and throws it at Stacie. “Stop staring, you perv,” Beca grins haughtily.

 Stacie jumps as the towel hits her then her lips turn downward. “Why do you tease me like that? It’s mean.” Beca’s always guessed that Bella had learned how to pout like her mom, but Stacie’s voice might be the whiniest thing she’s ever heard. It’s kind of attractive, if she’s being honest.

Beca takes a second to debate her response – flirty or sarcastic. She thinks it over and decides on flirty. “Maybe I’m just giving you a sneak peak for tonight.” Beca smirks again at Stacie’s reaction. Her cheeks are a beautiful shade of red, eyes wide open, breathing heavily and Beca feels a sudden impulse to kiss the sly grin on Stacie’s lips.

She suppresses it, just barely.

Instead, she lays down on the bed next to Stacie and gets under the covers. “Come on, Stace. Get under the covers,” Beca urges when Stacie doesn’t move. She shakes her arm until Stacie shakes herself lose from being zoned out and obliges.

“Shouldn’t we turn the lights off first?”

“I wanted to talk, if that’s okay?” Beca’s going to open up tonight because she feels like she has to, like she needs to, and she’s feeling very nervous. She’s never felt the need to do this before, but she wants to clarify some things and needs some things clarified for her.

“Of course that is. You know I always want to talk to you. What did you want to start with?”

Beca smiles because, well, that’s good. Talking is good. “Uhh, maybe you and Aubrey?” When she sees Stacie stiffen next to her, she immediately amends, “Not if you don’t want to! I- I though maybe I could get the full picture? The last thing you said was that you walked in on her cheating on you with Donald – and oh my God I’m being completely insensitive! I’m so sorry, Stace!” Beca finishes her ramble and lays her head on Stacie’s chest to hide her embarrassment from Stacie.

“No, it’s okay, Becs. Really, it’s fine.” Stacie looks down and smiles at Beca. “Where do I even start?” She takes a breath and Beca rubs a hand over Stacie’s stomach comfortingly.

“Wherever you want,” Beca murmurs.

“Well… So, I walked in on Aubrey and Donald and it hurt but it really wasn’t _terrible_ because we were both at the point of breaking up. Again, I know. I was never able to understand why we were always so hot and cold, but we were. We’d break up, have break up sex, then a week later we’d be having makeup sex like there was no tomorrow.” Stacie pauses. “Maybe that’s why – the makeup and breakup sex was truly awe inspiring. It was fantastic,” Stacie breathes with longing.

“I walked in on them and told Aubrey it was over. For good. Of course, that only lasted for three weeks – which was our record for staying apart at the time.”

Beca interjects, “And so are you still seeing each other? The last time I saw the two of you together was like, three months ago.”

Stacie looks ashamed. “I started getting real emotions for her after Worlds. When she came back to me, she seemed like she meant it for the first time and well, I was a goner from then on. But she told me some time later that she didn’t want a relationship with me, only sex, and like the lovesick idiot I was I said yes. It’s been like that ever since. She just uses me and then discards me,” Stacie whispers, voice full of emotion.

Something doesn’t add up to Beca. “Are you sure she doesn’t have feelings for you?”

Stacie clears her throat and runs a hand through Beca’s hair. “I just told you what she said. She said sex, not feelings, or something like that. How much clearer can you get than that?” Stacie’s voice breaks at the last word.

“Stace, I’ve talked to Aubrey. I’ve heard the way she talks about you. I _know_ she loves you, dude. She’s just protecting herself because she’s Aubrey and Aubrey can be a bitch.”

A laugh comes out of Stacie and she agrees, “You’re not wrong. She looks so hot when she’s being a bitch, though. Like super hot.”

“Please never talk about _Aubrey_ like that again,” Beca groans into Stacie’s skin. She slowly slides her hand down the smooth fabric of Stacie’s top and stops when she meets the small bit of flesh between her bottoms and her top. Beca strokes the flesh there lightly and she can feel the muscles become taught and Stacie gasps quietly.

“Fine, but only if you continue to touch me like that.”

A smirk forms on her lips and she obliges. She gently runs a finger underneath Stacie’s shorts and notices that she’s not wearing panties. The thought arouses her and she continues to roam her finger right under the elastic waistband.

“So-o,” Stacie mutters, “what’s going on with you and Chloe?”

At this, Beca stops her hand and rests the flat of her palm against Stacie’s skin, fingers still under the bottoms. Stacie’s skin is warm and smooth, and she can just barely feel the tickle of hair against her fingertips. “I haven’t talked to her since… you know…” Beca trails off.

“Since the letter,” Stacie finishes. “Are you still in love with her?”

“Unfortunately,” Beca grimaces. “Probably will be forever.” She sighs derisively at herself. “You know, I cheated on Jesse once,” Beca drops in the conversation and Stacie slaps a hand to Beca’s shoulder.

“What!? With who? When? Why? Just once? Multiple times? Multiple times with the same person or different people? Was it good? Wh–”

“Woah, woah, there Stace, calm down,” Beca says, stopping Stacie’s barrage of questions. “It happened twice – the night of the riff-off in that dude’s basement and the night when we went and scouted DSM.” Beca lets her words linger, seeing if Stacie can guess who it was with.

“Wait, Beca, you didn’t! Not with _the enemy!_ Please tell me I’m wrong!”

Giggling at Stacie’s reaction, Beca elaborates. “Yep! With Kommissar both times. God, she was hot and just so… _German_ , you know?”

“You call me the slut and you’re the one who cheated on your boyfriend with the enemy. Seems pretty hypocritical to me, really.”

“Nope!” Beca titters, beginning to move her hand again.

Stacie shifts her waist at the movement. “Well, why did you do it? How was it?”

Beca lets out a dreamy noise, then answers: “It was wonderful. Spectacular. I guess I was feeling lonely – Jesse was supporting me, kinda, but also not really because he was so busy that we hardly ever talked. And then I knew that Chloe hated the way I acted around her and maybe I felt a little annoyed at how she seemed to just, I don’t know, ignore me? Maybe that’s not the right word. She was mean to me and I wanted to get back at her. God, it was so pointless because Chloe still doesn’t know about it – Jesse doesn’t even know about it.” Beca takes a short break, breathing in through her nose and then out for a moment. “Those moments were the only moments I felt sane all senior year. She provided some calm and clarity that I needed. I needed it so badly.” Beca shrugs as she finishes her monologue.

Stacie pulls Beca in tight, causing Beca’s hand to slide over to her hip and Beca could feel her shiver at the sensation. “I can’t believe they don’t know. It seems so naughty and so unlike you. But I guess I understand why you did it and I’m sorry that I didn’t help you out. Had I known, I would’ve.”

“I guess that’s why I’ve been torturing myself about this. I mean, I _cheated_ on Jesse. I committed _adultery_ and I can’t even bring myself to regret it.” Beca huffs heavily and runs her hand from Stacie’s hip, to the side of her ass and then back to her stomach. She repeats the motion, using the rhythm to calm herself.

“You… you think you deserve the pain, don’t you? You think that because you screwed up and lied to both Jesse and Chloe, that you deserve what Chloe did to you.” Stacie turns her head slightly towards Beca and releases a breath that ruffles Beca’s hair.

Beca doesn’t say anything.

“You deserve so much better, Beca! Someone who loves you and cherishes you and who wants to be with you always. Not someone who will leave you over notions of normalcy that have changed.” Stacie places a kiss to Beca’s temple. “Let the pain go, let _Chloe_ go and then you can move on.”

A tear leaks from Beca’s eye and drips down the side of her face until it dampens Stacie’s skin. “I don’t _want_ to. I don’t want to give her up.” A wet sob escapes her throat. “I just want Chloe in my life. I want her to love me like I love her! And I want kids with her and a family and I want to watch as her dad walks her down the aisle and _God_ I miss everything about her.”

Beca’s didn’t mean to open up this much, but suddenly she’s crying and sobbing and making a mess as she blubbers into Stacie. She pulls her hand up and rests it on Stacie’s other shoulder, clutching her like a life line.

“Oh, Beca,” she hears Stacie murmur, breath tickling her ear, “I’ve got you and I love you, okay? No matter what, you’ll always be my best friend. And we can get the girl back, if you want. We can make her realize how much she messed up and how much she misses you.” Stacie strokes her nails lightly against Beca’s arm a she talks. “Or, and this is my recommendation, just forget about her. Go out and find someone else, someone better. Maybe date a guy this time, remind yourself of what it’s like to be with a man.”

Beca shake her head vigorously, because _no_. “I don’t like guys. I thought I did, but… they’ve never done anything for me.”

“Mhmmm, so that sounds like we need to hit up a gay bar tomorrow night.”

“Tomorrow is Sunday.”

“Then you’ll have to be quick.” Beca can practically hear the wink even though she can’t see it and she laughs a little, despite herself.

“I’d rather stay here with you and Bella,” she whispers after a second, voice turning back to vulnerable, exposed. “You make me feel safe, and I don’t want to leave that comfort just yet, okay? Just- just give me some time. I’ve never told anyone any of this.” Beca sniffles lightly. “It’s a lot to deal with and I need to process it.”

“Okay,” Stacie mouths, “okay. I can do that.”

After that, Beca and Stacie both quiet down. Stacie hands her a tissue from the nightstand and Beca softly blows her nose, reaching across Stacie to put it on the nightstand when she finishes. Tiredly, Beca molds herself to Stacie’s body, right hand playing with the hem of Stacie’s top. She fiddled with it, slowly moving it up until the whole of Stacie’s stomach was exposed. She dragged her nails there again, enjoying the feeling of gooseflesh appearing underneath her fingers.

“Do you _have_ to do that? It’s distracting,” Stacie huffs, and Beca knows that Stacie likes the attention as much as she’s pretending at the moment.

“I’ve literally done this every night we’ve slept in the same bed,” Beca says. “Plus, you like it.” Beca doesn’t mention that she likes it as well, that she likes the way she can see Stacie’s toned stomach flex and ripple and move in response to her. She feels the urge to move her head down and place a kiss to the navel she’s currently staring at, but she stops herself before she does it.

Not tonight, she tells herself. Maybe some other day, when she’s not physically and emotionally drained.

“Mhmmm, I do. It calms me, weirdly enough. Decompresses me,” Stacie explains, bringing her hand back up to Beca’s hair and scratching her scalp.

Stacie lets out a giggle as Beca purrs – and God help her, she actually purred – in response. Beca can feel her cheeks warm and she tamps down on her vocal approval, embarrassed.

The diminutive brunette presses her face tightly into Stacie’s chest and her lips are against the swell of Stacie’s breast. She flattens her hand down, stroking the stomach underneath her hand softy, feeling the smoothness of her skin.

“Stace?” Beca questions into the flesh she’s pushed her lips against, mouth open but voice muffled.

A grin tugs Stacie’s lips as she flirts, “You’re going to have to stop trying to make out with my tit if you want me to understand you.”

Beca’s embarrassment grows and she pulls back, laying her cheek to the skin she had just kissed. “I said, _Stace?”_

“Yep. That’s me. Your best friend.”

“Can we go to bed now? I’m tired.”

“I want a kiss first. And,” Stacie quips, “I want tongue. Minimum of a minute, and then we can go to sleep.”

Beca snorts. “This seems like a slippery slope.”

“How so?”

“It starts as a kiss and then within a month we’re having sex every night.” As soon as she says it, Beca knows that this is Stacie’s goal.

“Duh. That’s the plan.” Stacie pauses. “You really think we’ll be banging every night? I didn’t peg you as a sex addict.”

Beca stops her eyes from rolling only because she’s pretty sure she’s going to strain them if she keeps this up. “Fine. Only tonight and only if it’ll get you to shut up and turn the light off.”

Stacie beams and Beca thinks she’s insufferable. Hot (and adorable), but insufferable. She sighs and tilts her head upwards and immediately her lips are fused to Stacie’s, sliding against each other. Stacie must have an eternal clock because she’s quick to swipe her tongue across her lips and forcibly stick her tongue in Beca’s mouth. Beca opens her mouth readily and she can feel the weight of Stacie’s tongue in her mouth and it’s an arousing feeling.

Her hand drifts down of its own accord until it dips below the waistband and she can feel Stacie’s muscles tense as her hand roams from hip to hip. Beca leans forward slightly, letting Stacie probe deeper into her mouth and she responds, biting down on the tongue in her mouth and tugging on it lightly.

It’s hard to do because she’s grinning into the kiss and she’s trying to focus on her hand as well, but she manages to control the kiss for a long few seconds. Beca lets go and Stacie then takes her lip between her teeth and Beca’s now the one with teeth digging into her flesh and she groans a little bit. It doesn’t hurt, not really, because Stacie’s too gentle for that, but it does feel good.

Beca tilts her head a little to the side, deepening the kiss and she molds her lips to Stacie’s, tongues still pressed wetly against each other. Beca has to remind herself to keep her hand moving and not let it dip too far south, otherwise she’s certain that they’ll end up having sex and Beca knows she’s still not ready for that.

But a kiss? A kiss is just what she’s been needing.

It lasts for much longer than a minute – closer to ten – and by the end of it, Stacie’s rolled on top of her and has a hand underneath her top, touching the area below her breasts and Beca’s hand is struggling to not give in to its urges.

Stacie pulls away with a gasp, eyes so dark and hooded that Beca would be surprised if Stacie had anything but pupils. They’re both breathing heavy and she can tell that neither of them wants to break the moment. The air is thick with the smell of arousal and sexual tension, and Beca really wants to take Stacie, then and there, and be done with it. She does. But she knows she shouldn’t, knows that it might mess things up.

So, naturally, she speaks. “God, I’m so gay,” slips from her lips before she can stop herself and she realizes just how stupid it was to try and talk after a kiss like that. She blushes but thinks that Stacie probably can’t even notice because Beca knows her cheeks have to be red from exertion. Beca does, however, see how flushed Stacie’s cheeks are and she acknowledges just how beautiful Stacie looks right now, breathing heavy and clearly aroused.

Stacie preens at the compliment. “Thank you! I worked quite hard on my craft, you know.”

Beca can’t help but grin back at Stacie. “I can tell. Remind me why we don’t do that more often?”

“Because you’re _still_ pining over Chloe.”

“You’re still pining over Aubrey.”

“Eh, kinda. Not really. Chloe’s married.”

Beca grows confused at the first words but the last word causes Beca to start. “Married?” she interrogates.

“Engaged, really. At least that’s what Aubrey said last I talked to her but the wedding should be coming up pretty soon.” Stacie rolls off of Beca and heads towards the light switch. “You think we’ll be invited?”

“Nope,” Beca says as the light flickers off and Stacie clambers back into bed, an arm pulling Beca against her, “and if she did, I wouldn’t go. Self-healing and all that jazz,” she mumbles.

“Good. I’m proud of you. But if Aubrey asks me to be her date, I might have to reconsider.”

“Only if she agrees to formally date me too. Otherwise, you’re staying here with me.” Beca pulls her shirt all the way down. “Maybe it’d be good if you stopped seeing Aubrey too.”

Beca can hear Stacie’s sigh. “Maybe. Probably. But you said something about sleeping so…” Stacie trails off.

“You’re right.” Beca leans up and places a kiss to the underside of Stacie’s jaw. “Night, Stace. Don’t move when you sleep.”

“Night, babe. Please don’t snore.” Beca just slaps her hand lightly against Stacie’s stomach but doesn’t say anything, a smile playing against her lips as she embraces sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> almost at the finish line.
> 
> (p.s. your seinfeld episode today is The Switch, season 6, episode eleven. jerry turn down a threesome with two babes in this one lol what a dummie.)
> 
> (also, episode 1 of Philip K. Dick's Electric Dreams is the basis for the reason why Beca's been punishing herself. so, if you're interested, check it out. it's a really troubling episode, however.)


	5. Chapter 5

A few hours later, Beca wakes up. It has to be the middle of the night – like, three AM middle of the night – but suddenly, she’s restless. She decides to go for a walk abruptly, because she knows, somehow, that it might be a while before she can fall back asleep.

She doesn’t live in the most perfect neighborhood now, but it’s still pretty nice and she thinks she’ll be fine. Slowly, she extricates herself from the arm wrapped around her waist slides off the bed and changes – putting on a bra, a hoodie of Stacie’s, and a pair of her leggings from her suitcase that she has yet to unpack.

Before she heads out, Beca places a kiss on Stacie’s forehead, sends her a text – only after making sure Stacie’s phone is on silent – and then checks on Bella. Bella’s still soundly asleep, sheets twisted around her and she looks adorable. Beca has to restrain herself from going and picking her up.

She picks up her keys off of the counter as she walks out of the apartment and locks the door behind her. The air is as cool as she expected and she’s glad she exchanged her tank for a bra and an oversized hoodie. She walks for a bit, mind wondering as her body wonders around until she realizes she’s thirsty after a quarter of an hour or so.

She’s not _positive_ where she is, but she spots a convenience store just down the block and puts her head down as she walks over there. There aren’t many people outside at this hour – some, for sure, but nothing insane like Vegas on a Friday night. Beca steps into the store and browses the shelfs slowly. She’s in no rush to be anywhere, though she knows that if she’s gone too long, Stacie might wake up and worry.

It’s only her and the clerk there, a youngish girl who looks like she probably didn’t go to college – disinterested attitude, air of anger about herself, and she definitely hadn’t taken a shower recently if the smell near her was anything to go by. The girl hadn’t even looked up when she walked in, too absorbed in whatever she was reading on her phone.

Well, it’s only them two until she hears the door open and she turns to face the door, but she can’t see it because she’s short. Too short to see over the tops of the shelves and so she gives up, hurrying over to the drinks, grabbing one and heading to the clerk.

She’s curious to see what other types of people are up at three AM on a Sunday morning at a little convenience store. Beca’s not positive what she expected, but she’s certain it’s not _Chloe Beale_ kneeling down as she searches for candy.

Like, what the fuck.

Beca must make some noise because Chloe looks up at her and her expression freezes, falls, then chippers and Chloe jumps up and walks over to her. Not slowly, but she’s not exactly fast, either. Before Beca can decide what to do, Chloe is standing in front of her, face simultaneously earnest and heartbroken.

“Beca…Hi,” Chloe murmurs, voice quiet and bashful.

“Wh-what are you doing here? I thought you were getting married to your normal life,” Beca comments, voice snide. She can’t possibly understand why Chloe would be in New York of all places, and why she’d be buying candy in the middle of the night.

“I- I, uh… I broke it off.” At Beca’s stare, Chloe elaborates, “With Chicago. Yesterday. I flew here to see Aubrey right after.”

That’s certainly _not_ what Beca had expected. She controls her expression, hiding any surprise or anger or any emotion at all from showing. She also has no response to that (she notices the attendant has been watching them and she’s uncomfortable with the attention as well) so she turns sharply on her heel, places the bottle of water at the cash register and walks straight out of the door.

It takes more than a second for her to hear Chloe shouting her name, so she knows her exit must’ve really shocked Chloe. She keeps walking, ignoring Chloe. Beca really has no idea what to do in this situation and she’s glad she turned the right direction after leaving the store so she doesn’t have to awkwardly double back across Chloe.

Only, Chloe starts running after her, grabs her wrist and spins her around. Beca feels attacked, honestly, because Chloe doesn’t get the right to touch her anymore. Chloe doesn’t have a single right when it comes to her.

“Beca, please. Please, look at me,” Chloe pleads and Beca refuses, looking at the ground stubbornly.

“Just- say it. Say whatever crap you’re going to lie to me about and let me go.” Beca’s voice is thick. Two years to figure out what to say, and she has nothing – no quips, barbs, or sarcastic comments. Just pain.

Chloe pauses for a second. “Oh- oh. Um, I just… I still think about you.” Beca’s heart beats faster at the words but she doesn’t say anything. “I… I had an affair. That’s why I broke it off- because I messed up. I’m- I- I…”

Beca lets the words escape her before she can stop herself, lifting her head up slightly. “Who with?” she mutters so quiet that she’s surprised that Chloe can pick it up.

“E-Emily,” Chloe whispers and Beca’s head snaps the rest of the way upward. Chloe cheated on Chicago with _Emily_. Sweet, little, precious, _innocent_ , Emily was Chloe’s mistress. That wasn’t something that she was going to get over any time soon. Especially since Chloe told her that she couldn’t be with her because Chicago was normal and she wasn’t – because, that hurts. A lot.

Chloe grabbed her other hand and stepped in closer. “Say something, Becs. Please.”

“I don’t know what you want from me. I’m finally moving on with my life, finally separating my life from my mom’s – my mom who you haven’t talked to in years. And you don’t deserve my attention after that letter that you sent me. You abandoned me and okay, I understand that a relationship was too hard to maintain with all that was going on for the both of us. But _Chicago?_ And what, you slept with him a week after you broke up with me?

“That was a vile thing you did to me, because you told me you loved me and then you destroyed me. You took my heart and stepped on it like it was nothing. I just don’t know what you want from me – forgiveness? Love?”

Chloe looks more than chastised – she looks like she’s going to start bawling any second now but Beca can’t bring herself to care. “I don’t deserve your love,” she hiccups, “I just want your forgiveness. Nothing more. And I’ll work as hard as I have to for it.”

Beca nods stiffly and begins to turn around but she’s quickly pushed up against the brick wall and Chloe is kissing her so fiercely that she has no idea what to do. Her arms are at her sides, and she’s unresponsive to the lips against her. The kiss makes her realize – truly realize – a few things.

First, Chloe’s kisses do nothing for her.

Second, Chloe is crying.

And third, she’s not in love with Chloe anymore.

The last realization is so freeing that she doesn’t know what to do with herself at first.

It takes a second, but she gains an understanding of what’s happening, pushes Chloe off of her, smiles at her and tells her, “Goodnight, Chloe. I forgive you.”

And then she walks past her to her and Stacie’s apartment where she slips into the bed after changing back into her sleepwear and cuddles up to Stacie again. Stacie, who hasn’t moved an inch since Beca left; Stacie, her rock.

As she settles in, hand slipping back under Stacie’s top, Beca realizes one last thing: she wouldn’t mind loving Stacie.

 

 

Beca wakes up to something – someone – pushing her. She thinks it’s Stacie for a second, until she realizes that the hands are too small and it has to be Bella. She obliges and scoots back, letting the girl slip in between her and Stacie.

She wants to go back to sleep, because that midnight meeting drained her, but she knows that Bella is going to keep her up. She’s unsurprised when Bella keeps tossing and turning but unsure if Bella is actually trying to sleep or if she’s trying to wake them up.

“Bella?” Beca asks and Bella quickly flips around to face her.

“Auntie! You up!” Bella cheers loudly and Beca winces.

“Not so loud, Bells; your mom is still asleep,” Beca chastises quietly.

“She’s not anymore,” comes from Stacie and the brunette in question turns to face the two of them.

Bella rolls over excitedly to face Stacie. “Mommy!” Bella’s voice was loud before, but now she’s almost yelling and it’s disturbingly adorable to Beca. Like, she feels gross by how much she adores it.

Stacie kisses Bella’s forehead lightly and Beca thinks it’s grossly cute. “Inside voice, sweetheart, okay? We just woke up.” Stacie smooths Bella’s hair back tenderly, fingers threading through the brown locks.

Everything about this should be making Beca uncomfortable, from being in a bed with a woman and her daughter to watching one of the most intimate moments she’s ever seen appear before her eyes. But it doesn’t. Her heart just fills up with love, fills up until it’s pouring out all over the sheets and the three of them are covered in it and she can’t help it if a tear leaks from her eye.

Even with Chloe, it wasn’t this deep, this encompassing. She thinks she’s hiding her sniffles really well, until she sees Stacie’s head peek over Bella and look down at her. Beca knows she’s about to be mocked for openly crying about, well, nothing.

But Stacie doesn’t do that. Stacie’s brown eyes are _warm_ and _loving_ and everything she could ever want is seen in those eyes. It makes Beca’s heart ache, and if Bella wasn’t staring at the non-verbal exchange between them, she’d have already surged forward and kissed her. _Hard._

It’s such a sudden feeling that she can barely stop herself from doing it, but she manages. Just barely.

Bella breaks the tension in the room with a grumble of her tummy and a whiney, “I’m huuuungry,” from her lips.

It makes her and Stacie laugh and they smile at each other. Stacie grabs Bella, foisting her up on her hip as she heads for the kitchen and Beca trails the two of them and Bella chatters up a storm about nothing and everything, Beca grinning at the girl when she looks at her.

“Auntie, I want waffles,” Bella pleads as Stacie sets her down in the kitchen.

“Of course you do,” Stacie responds and she begins to pull out all the ingredients – until Bella starts pouting again.

“I said auntie, not mommy.” The girl’s lips are turned up in a grin as she beams at Stacie convincingly. There’s nothing Stacie can do but nod and let Beca takeover.

Beca _had_ learned to cook when she took care of her mother, so she knows this should be fairly easy. Plus, she and Stacie make this recipe pretty much every time Beca spends the night and she’s got it memorized at this point. “I got it, Stace,” Beca says. She starts mixing the batter, aware both Conrad women are watching her every move and so she tries to be extra careful, lest she be made fun of mercilessly.

The kitchen is somewhat silent – Beca’s making noise by cooking and Bella occasionally says something – but really, it’s pleasant. Beca serves the two their waffles when they’re ready and as she goes to pour the batter into the waffle iron, she unsurprisingly slips. Not a lot and not enough to fall, but definitely enough to spill the rest of the batter all over herself.

She grimaces.

Stacie bursts into laughter.

Bella shrieks and giggles and as she raises her hand up, she spills her syrup covered waffles down the front of her pajamas and then Beca is laughing too. It’s contagious and sure, Beca’s – Stacie’s – hoodie is covered in batter and Beca knows that they’re going to have to give Bella a bath because Bella _loves_ syrup.

Like, way overloads her waffles to the point where she’s basically just eating syrup, type of loves. Stacie, still giggling with mirth, walks over to her daughter and plucks her out of the high chair while Beca grabs some paper towels and wipes the front of her clothing off.

“God, this child is so sticky,” Stacie laments and Beca turns around to grin at her, small laughs still leaking out of her mouth.

“Bella, your mommy wants a hug right now,” Beca prods and Bella, ever the obedient, obliges, arms reaching towards her mom to give a hug. Beca starts laughing even harder as she watches Stacie grimace every time a sticky hand touches her skin and Stacie’s basically trying to walk away from her kid while she’s still holding her.

The sight is truly hilarious, made even better when Beca scrapes some of the batter off and wipes it on Stacie’s cheek.

“Hey! That’s not very nice, Beca!” Stacie’s voice betrays her words and Beca smiles at her, cheeks hurting and teeth showing; a smile so true and real and _huge_ that it makes Stacie smile back at her.

Beca shrugs at her. “Too bad. You have a child that you don’t want to touch the ground or you, so I think I’m safe from any retaliation.”

It makes Stacie roll her eyes at her. “Can you go get the bath started? I’ll be in there in a second.”

Beca obeys, hurrying out of the kitchen incase of a surprise attack that doesn’t end up coming. She turns the shower on first, because Bella has syrup in her hair and that’s going to take some work to get out. While the water’s warming up, she runs to the bedroom and changes into a short sleeve shirt, placing her dirty hoodie in the washer.

She passes by the pair of women on her way to the washer and quickly joins them in the bathroom.  
“Beca, can you get her undressed?” Stacie asks.

Beca hums her agreement and does her best to not get covered in syrup; she fails, of course, but she just smiles and keeps working to get Bella’s pajama pants off. Once naked, Beca picks Bella up and tosses her to Stacie who stands her up in the shower.

A squeal assaults her ears and it makes Beca giggle. “Bath! I want bath!”

“You’ll get one sweetie. We just need to get the syrup out of your hair first, then you can sit down and play.” Stacie’s voice is firm but gentle and it makes Beca’s hand find Stacie’s and squeeze it.

Stacie squeezes back and gives her a look that she can’t quite comprehend.

After a second, Stacie lets go and starts washing Bella, scrubbing her hair with some baby shampoo. Beca chips in by grabbing the bottle of soap and a washrag, cleaning her skin of the syrup as tenderly as she can.

 

 

Beca and Stacie end up on the couch a half hour later, Bella cleaned and playing in her room with her toys. Beca supposes that she should broach her midnight talk with Chloe, but she’s afraid to interrupt the domestic tranquility she’s currently ensconced in with the TV playing and Stacie’s head on her lap.

But, ever the soldier, she does. “Stace? Something happened last night and I… I need to talk to you about.”

Stacie’s white teeth show as she grins at her. “Is this about the kiss? Because we don’t have to talk about that,” she drawls.

“No! No, not that.” Stacie’s face falls at that and Beca feels upset to see it go. She smiles awkwardly. “I woke up last night and went for a walk. I felt restless for whatever and just walked around the streets and I wondered into a convenience store because I was thirsty. And I, uh, saw someone there…” she trails off.

Stacie gasps. “Chloe?” she whispers.

Beca nods measuredly, controlling herself. “Yep. Chloe _fucking_ Beale. God, it was terrific and so terrible. It was so painful to see her again.” She stops.

“What happened?”

“She tried to talk to me and I ran away because she doesn’t get to do that. She doesn’t get to walk back into my life again.” Beca lets out a short sigh. “She told me that she broke it off with Chicago. Because she had an affair.” A pause, then, “With Emily.”

Stacie sits up so fast she nearly knocks heads with Beca and shouts, “What?!” Stacie takes a deep breath. “Chloe had an affair with _Emily?_ Seriously, what?”

Beca just shakes her head, says, “I don’t know. I barely even gave it any thought at the time, but, if they’re into it…” Beca’s hand raises to Stacie’s hair and she tugs lightly until Stacie acquiesces and lays her head back in her lap. She threads her fingers through the strands and fiddles with the hair fondly.

“Anyways, she chased after me. She grabbed me, told me that she wanted me to forgive her and I didn’t think I could. But then… she- she kissed me. On the lips.” At that, Stacie’s face changes from the shocked expression that had covered it to a look of utter abandonment and betrayal. Beca really doesn’t like that look, and so she hurriedly adds, “I didn’t reciprocate! Promise!”

That seems to placate Stacie somewhat and Beca leans down to kiss her forehead. “It made me realize a few things.”

After a moment, Stacie says, “And? What are those things?”

“Mainly that, I’m- I’m not in love with her. I’m over her.”

She doesn’t know what to expect from Stacie’s reaction, but elation is probably not the standard reaction to that type of declaration – unless, of course… And that makes her feel happy. Makes her insides feel all warm and fuzzy.

“That’s great news, babe. The best,” Stacie murmurs, soft and timid and shy but also so, so, _so_ exultant, the likes of which Beca has never seen.

It makes Beca want to kiss Stacie again and this time there’s no Bella to stop her. So, she does it. She leans down and kisses Stacie _on the lips_. Her head is at an awkward angle, turned so that she can kiss Stacie as straight on as possible and not at a right angle. It’s… It’s something else.

It feels different than last night’s kiss – the one with Stacie, that is –, which had been incredible. It feels chock full of emotion and, well, _love_. Like, real, deep, _deep_ love. The type which she had dreamed of when she was a kid and Stacie is so hesitant in this kiss, so unlike herself. It makes Beca realize that Stacie feels the emotions too, that she feels the love being poured from Beca and into Stacie through their kiss.

Beca pulls back after a second because she’s smiling so much because she’s just so happy and she grins down at Stacie, lips stretched so wide that it physically hurts her. Stacie is looking back at her, brown eyes flitting back and forth from her lips and her eyes and Stacie’s smile puts everything else to shame.

It makes Beca feel like nothing matters, like she’s won the lottery, and Beca somehow knows that Stacie has never looked at anyone else like this. It’s that realization that prompts another understanding: last night she thought she wouldn’t mind loving Stacie; she was wrong, then. She already loved Stacie. She wanted the whole family and everything with Stace, not Chloe. She couldn’t believe how oblivious she’d been, replacing the word _Stacie_ with _Chloe_ all the time in her mind, tricking herself into believing she was still in love with someone else.

 _She was in love with Stacie Conrad_ and honestly, not a damn thing could make her happier.

So, she says it. “I love you.”

Stacie responds immediately, no hesitation on her lips. “I love you too.”

And Beca’s not sure if she got her point across, so she rephrases it: “I don’t just love you. I’m _in_ love with you, _Anastasia_. Stacie. I’m so in love with you and God, I just realized it. Like, ten seconds ago.”

Stacie is surging up before Beca knows what to do and suddenly they’re tumbling on the floor in the space between the couch and the coffee table, lips attacking each other fiercely and fervently. Their teeth are clacking together, tongues battling and if the last kiss was love, then this one is _desire_ and _passion_ and God it’s everything Beca could ever want.

They pull apart after a few minutes, Stacie pressed against her and on top of her, their foreheads resting together. “Beca, baby, I am so in love with you too. I’ve been waiting for those words for a year.” Stacie closes her eyes and draws in a breath and Beca can feel the air moving around her lips and it almost tickles it’s so sensitive and light.

“What about Aubrey?” Beca asks and she could kick herself because, seriously, why the hell would she ask that question right after they just declared their love for each other?

But Stacie, the second (and, hopefully, the final) woman she’s ever been in love with, twists her lips into a tiny, miniscule smile. Bashful, really. “I, uh, may have exaggerated some details to make you feel jealous…” Her eyes search Beca’s for a second. “We’ve really only met up a few times since the whole Donald incident. I couldn’t go through with it the last time we met…”

Beca thinks that she should be mad at Stacie for the deception, but she isn’t. All she is is relieved.  “Ah. It’s not good to start a relationship on lies,” Beca teases. She slides her hand down from its place on Stacie’s upper back, down to the hem of her shirt and then back up again. “So, got anything else you want to tell me about?”

“I find you ugly.”

The comment makes Beca smile and lean up to kiss her. “Good. Because you’re ugly too,” she whispers against her lips as her hand dips lower and digs under the waistband of Stacie’s running shorts. She runs her palm over the flesh there and gives it a light squeeze, making Stacie press into her a little.

“Don’t tease me like that, Becs. Please. Follow through, for once,” Stacie pleads a little desperately and Beca just grins at her, her other hand joining the one already on Stacie’s flesh.

“So, this – us – is happening? We’re doing this? Dating and all that?” Beca needs to know this before they go any further. She needs to confirm that they’re a _thing,_ a _couple._

“Absolutely, babe. Absolutely.” And they both go in for another kiss when a little girl’s voice interrupts them.

“Auntie? Why are your hands in mommy’s pants?”

Beca just about dies from embarrassment, hands leaping out of Stacie’s shorts like Stacie was a stove top and Stacie jumps off of her almost as fast.

Beca starts laughing after a second, mouth wide open and Beca thinks she really could get used to this. Used to dating Stacie and parenting Bella and living the life she never thought she would have and the one she so desperately needs right now. Beca makes eye contact with Stacie and mouths to her, “I love you.”

Stacie just pulls her up, and together they hug Bella.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, we're over and done with. everyone who wanted Chloe to die, sorry. everyone who wanted Beca to hate her, sorry.
> 
> i've gotten a lot of upset comments about my tags for this story and i stand by them. i knew where this story was going for the most part, and didn't want to update tags until i was sure about things. 
> 
> i want to thank everyone for reading and i appreciate all of the constructive comments as well as the kind ones! y'all rock!


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